Mom

Mom you have left this mans' land to go to the promise land. I really miss you, you are constantly in my thoughts. I will always remember you as the strong, vibrant, kolohe woman that you were. Our relationship had it's moments, but no matter what, we were always able to overcome them and apologize. I never stopped loving you even through the really bad times.

When you became ill, I didn't or couldn't see you as this weak woman. It was extremely hard for me. I wasn't used to seeing you so dependant on anyone.  You have always been so strong. I was kind of angry because I knew that your illnesses were because of the life style you chose to live. I think you knew it too, you would always would say " I brought this upon myself".

The night before you passed, we all knew it was close, but I didn't know it was my last night with you. I sometimes wonder, did you go to Charlotte's house to die?.Bret told me that that's what Indians would do, go somewhere off and die. I guess you lived up to your Indian heritage. I remember finding you in what looked like a comfortable sleep. I had a feeling you weren't there. That was the second time in my life that I saw someone who I loved die and my heart, you could probably hear it breaking. I could not believe that you were gone, it hurt so f#*$en much. It still does. I lost not only my mother, but my best friend.

I know you are at peace now, with no pain. I hope you are dancing (which was your favorite thing to do ) with Walter & dad up there.

I made the program for your service, I found a nice picture of wild horses that reminded me of you. I also copied "A Hopi Prayer" tht I read now and then.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there, I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints in the snow

I am sunlight on ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet white doves in circled flight

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there, I did not die.